Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Daily Time Management Briefing

Look, I'm not going to waste a lot of time on this. Time has already been wasted on all the other aspects of this project, so I won't waste it here. You may not be aware of it, and judging by your performance, you're not, but our time is valuable. We once did a calculation, a lengthy and time consuming calculation if you must know, and we determined that every second is worth approximately one Starbucks Skinny Grande Vanilla Mocha Latte. So every second I spend talking to you is like dumping one of those on the ground. I respect this company, and coffee, and the Guatemalans, or whoever make the coffee, too much to do that.

So let me get right to the point by saying that time is of the essence here people. I can't stress that enough. These things don't build themselves. And yet every day I have to come down here and spend an hour, maybe two, explaining to you how valuable time is, and how we need to be making better use of it. Do you think I like giving these speeches? Do you think I like dumping coffee on the ground? But every day I come down here and give a longer speech about the utter importance of time and everyday you people get less done. The only conclusion I can draw is that I'm simply not getting through to you. So let's find our seats, someone turn on the projector, and let's get going. This is probably going to be a long one. Hey! Hey! You in the back. What are you doing? No working during the presentation. I'm here to teach you how to get more done. I can't do that if you're working.


Jerry Bowley said...

Could you repeat the first part, please? I got here a little late. You see, I was up until after midnight reading the manual for my alarm clock, so I overslept a bit.

My bad.

Hannah said...

I like this one a lot, good work! especially the comparison of time to dumping out lattes... altogether very clever.