Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Jack The Married Australian - Observations 10/29

10:35 Group arrives at bar to find Jack The Married Australian hitting on Female Friend
10:36 Member of Group (also female but sadly not as attractive as Female Friend) pulls Female Friend aside to alert her to fact that she's seen Jack in another bar earlier where he talked extensively about being married. Female Friend is skeptical.
10:38 Group member (female) asks Jack what happened to his ring. Jack laughs, makes comment about it being a costume, claims to spot friends, leaves.
10:39 Jack The Australian is trashed as slimy by assembled group.
10:48 Jack The Australian's wallet is located under group's table. Contents: Family pictures confirming married status as well as children. Also: 400$
10:49 Vigorous debate. Briefly: Jack is a slimeball. The money should be pocketed by the group and used for night of drinks at another bar. The wallet (empty) should be left with bartender so Jack can eventually claim it. Conversely: Jack is a slimeball. Keeping his money makes the group members no better. The wallet should be returned ASAP. Moving (and buzzkilling) speech by group member (male - also: has crush on Female Friend) results in decision to pursue second option.
10:55 Two group members (males) locate Jack in neighboring bar and return wallet. Jack is overjoyed and endlessly thankful. Insists on buying them drinks.
10:58 Jack The Australian returns with group members, thanks all, apologizes for prior behavior, buys round in thanks.
11:20 Another round on Jack
11:30 Shots on Jack
11:40 Third round on Jack
11:58 Everyone is speaking in Australian accents
12:25 Jack's oratory on why marriages don't count on other continents is surprisingly convincing.
1:04 Fourth round on Jack
1:05 Everyone loves Jack The Australian. Group members comment to one another about how they're getting to drink the 400$ despite having done 'the right thing'.
1:06 Group member (male - crush on Female Friend) notices Jack the Australian has arm around Female Friend.
1:30 Fifth round on Jack. Group member (male - crush on Female Friend) abstains.
1:55 Jack The Australian kisses Female Friend at table.
2:07 Jack The Australian offers Female Friend a taxi home. Group member (male - crush on Female Friend) tells Female Friend he'll gladly give her a ride. Female Friend leaves with Jack.
2:08 Group member (male - crush on Female Friend) excoriates group for allowing Female Friend to leave with Jack The Married Australian. Fellow group member reminds all whose idea it was to locate Jack and return the wallet.
2:12 Group member (male - crush on Female Friend) exits bar alone.


Anonymous said...


The third option would have been to mail the wallet back to his wife in Australia.

But hey, wow. Sorry for the "male - crush on female friend" guy.

Wyrfu said...

Obviously pure fiction. We all know that the height of Australian chat up lines is:

"Hey, Sheila, do you f***?"

To which the most common reply from the Australian Sheila is:

"Not until now, you sweet-talking bastard."

Anonymous said...

THis story sounds pretty ridiculous. And, if I hadn't been there myself on 10/29 I would hardly belief it.

But, you forgot the part about the man-dressed-as-blow-up-doll absconding with Jack-the-Married-Australians' alcohol or the part where Jack pulled a random girl to the ground for no reason and somehow got her to apologize for it.