Monday, November 28, 2005

Cynicism Suspended Indefinitely

As you may be aware, our team has been dealing with some internal issues, mostly stemming from one member’s increasing thirst for power and control, and declining interest in listening to opinions and concerns of other members. For these reasons I’m here to announce that I’ve suspended Cynicism indefinitely.

This was not a decision taken lightly, nor do I wish to undervalue the presence that a healthy Cynicism can have on the rest of the team. But as a team, we have rules, and Cynicism has been caught on numerous occasions in areas where he didn’t belong, including Love’s locker, and Hope’s gym bag. Further, his feud with Trust was something I’ve been willing to ignore as it seemed relatively harmless and good natured. However, the attack last week when Cynicism ‘accidentally’ hit Trust at high speed, and then backed over him while coming to his ‘aid’ has changed my mind. Trust is doing well, by the way, and expected to be back within days, but these actions have been detrimental to team morale, and cannot go unpunished.

Most of us have trouble remembering back to the days before Cynicism joined the team, and so it may be hard to imagine life without him. Rest assured, it is possible, and in fact, given the way that he’d become so vocal and dogmatic of late, many of you may find it a relief. Most of his responsibilities will be handed over to Belief, and I’d like you all to join me in cheering him on.

I would however ask that the rest of you exercise caution. I’ve compiled a brief list of things that I’m more likely to find reasonable as a result of this change, and I’d really hope that no one out there would take undue advantage of the situation.

I’ll believe I have termites, that I’ve won an Ipod, that this is the absolute most that I’m going to get for my trade in.
I will believe that you’re going to call me right back, that we’ll get together soon, that it was one of the best movies of the year.
I will believe that dreams come true, that good things happen to good people, that someone’s watching out for me.
I will believe the extended warranty is really a good deal, that you only had two beers, that this doesn’t make me look fat.
That I’m really going to lose ten pounds, that you really like my music, that I’ll start tomorrow.
That I really need four new tires, that my radiator needs to be flushed for just 59.95, that I can be anything I want to be.
I will believe the studies about drinking being good for me, and the ones about it being bad, and the ones that say all the other studies are crap.
That it wasn’t your fault, that you were only joking, that these things happen to everyone.
That this will really get ink and grass stains right out, that this smell really attracts the opposite sex, that there’s no obligation whatsoever and this free football phone it mine to keep.
I will believe in bunnies with eggs, fairies with teeth, and fat men with lots of presents and no cholesterol or diabetes concerns.
That I have nothing to lose, that there’s always tomorrow, that you really just have a headache.
That you can hardly tell it’s overcooked, that no one is looking at my lazy eye, that the worst part is over.
That you’re proud of me, that the slide show wasn’t boring, that people were laughing on the inside.
I will beleive that you really really love me.

This is obviously not an exhaustive list people, but I think you get the idea. I’m not so naive as to believe that we won’t suffer as a result of this suspension. Financially, I think this move may really hurt us. There’s a good chance we’ll end up with tons of crap we don’t need or want. But money is not the only thing that matters. This was a game once. It was supposed to be fun. Lately, I think I speak for the team in saying that Cynicism’s presence had taken most of the fun out of it. I’m hoping this suspension will help us, all of us, remember what we’re here to do, and enjoy it.


Anonymous said...

Wow. I sort of feel like crying and I'm not sure why. This is strangely very beautiful. And heartbreaking.

Wyrfu said...

Very, very clever. And true.