Friday, January 20, 2006

The Cars Driven By Attractive Women

When you see an attractive woman it is okay to ask yourself, 'I wonder if she drives a nice car?'

Most people assume that attractive women drive nice cars. This is because they think that attractive women tend to be married to rich and powerful men, usually the heads of companies or small countries. People who think like this are sexist. Attractive women might also drive nice cars because they get promoted more often that homely women. They may also be singers or supermodels who, you may be aware, do not get out of bed for less than 10,000 dollars.

If you see an attractive woman in a parking lot, keep an eye out for a German vehicle. This is probably hers. Attractive women like German vehicles. This does not, however, mean that they like other German things like Schnitzel or heavy beer.

But not all attractive women drive nice cars. Occasionally you will see an attractive woman get into an American car and you will be confused. There are any number of reasons that this might happen, and all of them are bad. She might be an idealist, unwilling to trade on her looks. She might be philosophically committed to living a spartan lifestyle free of pretentious excess. She might like American cars. In any case, she should be avoided because she is crazy.

Judging people based on how attractive they are, what clothes they wear, or what kind of cars they drive is wrong in the same way that judging a book by the cover is wrong. However, bookstores have an awful lot of books and reading all of them before deciding if you should purchase one is time consuming and tends to result in your eventually being asked to leave. Therefore it can be helpful to eliminate books based on their covers, such as books with pink covers, pictures of buttons, or ones with the word diet on them. You will inevitably miss out on a good read about a pink buttoned diet, but life is made up of a series of tragedies.

The important point is that attractive women mostly drive expensive German cars and don't have much time for reading. If they did, they would only read from really sharp looking books. So if you see an attractive woman get into an American car, it's okay to assume that she's lonely and incomplete, and probably headed to the library, and that her suffering is in some way a penance for the sins of the world. This should make you feel better, and you are free to honk at her and roll down your window, and shout that 'God works in mysterious ways'.


Heather said...

Is the reverse true? Since I drive a German automobile, I must be attractive?

Unknown said...

That depends entirely on your opinion of Schnitzel.

Anonymous said...

VW's are German cars!

*peace sign*