Friday, March 10, 2006

Please Stop Using My Name

Dear Sir,

I wanted to write you to ask that you please stop using my name on your site. My name is the same as your name and I am also a writer. But I don't really like your stories or the way you talk about things. You do not make things sound pretty or nice which is what I do. I think you might be a little mean. Anyway, when people search for my name they find your name, which is my name, and they are finding your stories because you have a lot of them, and not my stories, which also there are alot of, but all at one place, not in lots of different places which I guess is how you get your name high up in the searches.

You probably have another name that you could use, either a middle name or a different one that you always wanted. Did you know that Mark Twain was really named something else? So you could be a Mark Twain and still write your not pretty not nice little stories. Or just use your initials.

Earlier this year there was a man in the south who was old and went to jail for killing black people or for burning churches down and he had a name like ours and that was upsetting too because when you searched for my name (also I guess for your name) then you got stories about this very mean old man and my stories were way down the list. I wrote to several of the reporters and asked that they not use his name in so many pieces, and most of them seem to have stopped writing about him at this point and his name is down the list in the searches, so it's really just you and me who need to work out the rest.

Also, you may think I could become Mark Twain, but I am older than you and had our name before you and have been writing better stories for longer, so I think I should get to keep our name and you are the one who should move out. If you don't want to move off your name, then that is okay, as long as you stop writing. Either way.

Thank you very much.

K.y*l$e K,i;l:l'e?n
(I had to write my name like that because I don't want the search engines to see it and point to this email because it is not part of my page that I am trying to move up)

4 comments:

Heather said...

Brilliant!

amybenay said...

Stupid Kyle Killen. What's with that guy? I always said he was crazy!

crickl's nest said...

So which one are you? The one who burns churches, the eavesdropper or the self promoting, insecure guy?

I'm so confused!

Christie (the one and only....I think)

Michael said...

Have you ever been interviewed by someone with the same name as your own? Not so bad, but apparently very frustrating for the HR person who gets the resume and sets it up.