Please Come Out Of The Bathroom

Please come out of the bathroom. If I made you think this was your fault, I apologize. This is my fault. Completely. I never should have let you pick the movie in the first place. I've known you long enough to know you'd pick something awful at that little place that has no parking. And I certainly know that you're completely incapable of getting ready for anything on time, so of course we were going to be late and miss the beginning and have to sit right in the front row and strain our necks to see a movie that I already knew was going to be bad before we left. That's on me. I should have been smarter, should have thought a little harder about the effects of leaving these decisions in your hands. But I didn't. I'm not perfect, and for that, I apologize.

Look, I don't want to turn this into a whole who-threw-a-scalding-pot-of-what-at-whom thing, because this is really not about that. And it's not about how I slave away at work all week while you watch soap operas and talk to your friends, because that doesn't bother me. I know I only get one night a week to really enjoy myself, and I should have known that I'd have to expend some effort to keep you from screwing it up. But I was lazy. You understand? I'm saying that I didn't force myself to ignore all the little annoying things that you do which can completely ruin an evening out, and guess what, it was ruined. That's my fault. I'm sorry.

And I should have known that as soon as I said something or threw something, that you'd come running to the bathroom like you always do. I should have just held my tongue because we both know that no matter how many times I point these things out, they never change. But, I'm slow. I'm thick headed. I guess I haven't given up on my hope that someday we'll able to walk out of this house without you embarrassing us. But I should, because it's obviously hopeless, and my pig headed refusal to accept that is really at the heart of the problem. So again, I'm sorry. I promise to accept you for just what you are, and to do a better job of being prepared for the inevitable problems and disappointments that come with it.

Honey? Well, listen, I don't know what else I can say. I'm not going to stand out here apologizing all night. I was wrong. I am sorry. If there's something more you need to hear you're going to have to use your imagination, okay? I'm going downstairs to clean up that mess and then I'm going to bed. I hope to see you there, but if you're not, that's your decision. You hear me? I've taken responsibility for my part in all this. I don't want to play the blame game, you understand, but, well, from here on out, whatever happens is on you.